Memory Lane No-Go’s
Things you should never say to someone with Alzheimer’s
Alzheimer’s Disease is a progressive brain disorder that can cause memory loss, difficulty thinking and changes in personality. One of the most important things you can do for someone with Alzheimer’s is to be mindful of what you say to them. Here are a few things that you should never say:
Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?
This can be upsetting to hear as they might not remember you at that moment. It can make someone feel guilty or ashamed because they probably know that they should know you or you wouldn’t be asking that question. Remember, people with Alzheimer’s are not dumb…they just cannot remember certain things. Many know how they should answer certain questions and are really good at covering up their memory loss.
What did you have for lunch? What did you do this morning? What did you watch on T.V. last night?
Asking questions about recent events can be confusing and frustrating as they may not remember what happened. Often, someone in early stages will just answer with an appropriate answer whether it’s true or not. If this happens, do not correct them. It will only make them more frustrated. Ask open ended questions that do not put the person on the spot.
Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need help? Are you feeling lost?
These types of questions can make someone feel like they are not capable of taking care of themselves. It is better to ask if they want help or if they need anything. People need to feel they are worthy and have purpose. Let someone with Alzheimer’s do as much for themselves as they can while remaining safe.
Why did you do that? What were you thinking? Why did you say that?
These questions can feel accusatory and make someone feel like they are being judged. It is better to try to understand why they did or said something, rather than asking them to justify their actions.
Don’t you remember? This happened last week. We talked about this yesterday.
Of course they may not remember, don’t ask! These statements can be invalidating and make someone feel like their experiences are not real. It is better to acknowledge that they may not remember something and then just move on.
Tips for talking to someone with Alzheimer’s
Be patient and understanding.
Use simple language and avoid jargon.
Repeat yourself often.
Be positive and encouraging.
Focus on the present moment.
Ask open-ended questions.
Listen attentively.
Respect their wishes.
Everyone with Alzheimer’s is different. What is upsetting or frustrating for one person may not be for another. The most important thing is to be respectful, understanding and to use your best judgment.
What Not to Say to Someone with Dementia