Home for the Holidays-Behaviors
If you haven’t seen a parent in a while, it can be hard to see subtle changes but may be easier to see bigger ones. Many people experienced social isolation during the pandemic and that has played a role in declines in older adult’s health and well being. Changes in behavior can be a sign of cognitive impairment, dementia, a medical condition or of course just normal aging. Trying to figure out why the behavior changed is key.
Sleep Patterns
Is your mom getting up later than normal? Is she going to bed earlier or later? Changes in sleep patterns can be normal as we age or a sign of an issue. Are they getting up later because they don’t want to face the day? Or are they not sleeping well during the night and they are tired? Are they bored and that’s why they don’t want to get up? If so, help them find things to do, or places to volunteer or even a part time job. Everyone needs to have purpose and feel they have value in this world. Is it poor sleeping? Look into their night time routine or afternoon caffeine intake. Can they make modifications in their evening routine?
Ambivalence
Can your Mom not make a decision? You ask what she wants for dinner and she says that doesn’t care? It could be ambivalence related to depression or it could be that she really just doesn’t care. She is so happy to have you there, that she doesn’t care. Look for changes. Was she always very opinionated and now she’s not? Or the other way around? Sometimes a change to ambivalence can be related to depression or cognitive decline or of course, nothing at all. Does she seem to not care about anything or just certain topics like foods. If she doesn’t care or have an opinion about everything, you may want to dig a little deeper.
Personality
Has your Dad’s personality totally changed? He was very critical and high strung and now he has a lot of patience and is complimentary? Ideally, he has gained wisdom as he has gotten older and that’s great and certainly not an issue. But, big personality changes like new risky or dangerous behaviors or being totally unreasonable could be a sign of cognitive decline. It would be a good idea to try and have a meaningful conversation to figure out where the changes are coming from. He may recognize the changes and easily attribute them to having more leisure time and being able to do what he wants, when he wants.
Agitation
Does your parent seem over agitated or very easy to agitate? It could be nothing and they just aren’t used to having people underfoot disrupting their routine. Of course, they are happy to see you and your family but the noise and the mess may be tough on their patience and they become agitated. On the other hand, it could be related to cognitive decline or even a medical diagnosis that they haven’t yet shared with you. Find a quiet moment or create a quiet moment and sit down and have a chat. If it’s the ruckus, talk about what would make it better. It may be as simple as remembering to turn off the lights when you leave a room or washing the dishes rather than stacking them in the sink. Of course, if it’s a medical diagnosis, you’ve created a safe space for them to share the details with you and I’m sure they will feel better after the talk. If they don’t see any agitation or anxiousness in their behavior, you may want to share your thoughts with other close family members to see if they’ve noticed anything too. Remain positive and see if you can discover a pattern. Write down incidents so you remember the details in case you want to share with her doctor.